Finally because I have good friends, good people who have invested their time and energy into this project and me as well; they forced me to get to work, despite my feeble continued arguments. I was waiting for a sign, of life, of forgiveness, that he was with me, that I should still do this, that I wasn’t wasting my time, that it was ok if I failed… that it was ok if I succeeded. I received nothing. We did the shoot anyway, hair and makeup, and fitting our Cadydid into a dress that was quite snug, yet another reminder that time is passing all too quickly.
We took her into the forgotten gardens as the sun was sinking, the light was beautiful. “Cady you want to look at the book in wonder, like you opened it up and all these magic butterflies just erupt from the page and are fluttering away from the book ok?” I instructed as we meandered over and set up. Sarah and Abi were with me that day, and one of them had made a comment about butterflies being spirit guide, a messenger from those who’ve passed on.
I picked up my camera and looked through the viewfinder and felt a little tickle on my fingers as they turned the lens. I hate bugs… it is my worst phobia. Because many of the trees in the forgotten gardens are fruit trees we always have bees buzzing around, especially in the summer when the fruit over ripens and becomes soft. My first thought was terror, followed by ‘don’t drop the camera’ But when I looked up from the view finder, it wasn’t a bee, but a butterfly sitting on my finger, fluttering it’s wings. It quickly left my fingers then and fluttered over to Cadence circling her and landing on her and the pages of the book.